Reading the Fine Print

He does deal with banks—that character from yesterday—for he goes to an ATM and gets money out of it. Where does his money come from? He was in the Army about thirteen years but that doesn’t quality for a pension, does it? Doesn’t it take twenty years for that? But he does get out of his latest predicament but there surely could be repercussions yet. Only a man could have written this book. How daring!

So much for the exciting life of fiction. Now let’s get to real life and the fine print at every turn. For example, take a box of frozen entrée that is the only lunch you have time for—half a small di Giorno pizza, let’s say—and read the instructions. It’s white print on red background, readable and with illustrations, but when it comes to the timing for cooking it, what the prospective diner looks for, the print is quite a bit smaller and on a darker red area. With several digits below 10 looking much alike in fine print, one needs to keep a magnifying glass in the kitchen. (Better yet, not to eat the pizza.) The most important thing on the back of the box gets the least consideration.

A brochure comes in the mail, perhaps a booklet about something important to you. In large print in gorgeous color is the name of the company and its logo, if any. This may appear several times, to rub it in. Divisions in the print may have subheadings, also in gorgeous color. But when it comes to the important stuff, what you really need to read, you run into trouble. This is often presented in a soft pastel wording on a deeper shade of the same color. Black print is popular on a gray background. Or the print here just gets finer. This is utter nonsense and may be to misguide you. More time, energy, and cost go into such, in just showing a difference in design. The artistic touch is more important than the client’s need to know. The first requirement of language is for communication, not artistic beauty.

Take a look at your monthly credit card statement, if you still have a credit card. If you want to call the business about a mistake in the billing, where do you find the telephone number to call? If things are the way they used to be when I had several credit cards, the telephone number hides in a paragraph of fine print on the back of a page. It probably has to be there by law, but most such companies, if not all, specialize in diversion, to get you so rattled that you are in the mood not to call at all. That’s human nature in the business world. Some parts of the business world.

I’ve just looked again at a small brochure that came with my computer or some adjunct machine. It is totally unreadable, even with a magnifying glass. It is pale gray print on white and must be in font size “minus 20.” My technician could not handle it either. It’s a good thing this guy maintains everything about computers in his head. The pocket-size booklet is a standard license and warranty brochure and is going pronto into my cart of recyclables.

A postcard comes in the mail, advertising $50 off on window cleaning. You first search for the name of the company. By the time you locate that, in much smaller print, you have read all the propaganda more than once. That’s psychology misapplied, in my book.

There you have it. Fine print everywhere when you locate just what you are probably looking for. Now when I become president of this otherwise wonderful nation, I’ll be a dictator. That is, on the use of fine print. It won’t pass muster. Remember to vote for me. I’ll be about 100 years old then and will need all the help you can give me.

♥